But, Heather, Do You Even Want to get Married?

Funnily enough, I wrote this post two years ago, but due to a fatal case of procrastination I never got around to making the final edits. I think, in part, I was also curious how time would impact the way I answered this question. The biggest difference I’ve noticed is that I don’t get so flustered when the subject comes up. I suppose that’s the thirties for ya. I’ve discussed this topic enough times now to feel pretty well rooted in my response. So without further ado, I give you my post of February 2018 with some minor editorial adjustments:

Do I even want to get married? As a notoriously single female galloping into her thirties (lol), this question has come up more frequently of late. As I mention future plans and dreams, the listener nods attentively. They agree that it would be cool to live abroad, to see the places many fear to visit and to love those that many fear entirely. Seek out the lost, befriend the friendless, confront my own fears. But somewhere in the conversation the question will come up. Whether it’s simply out of curiosity or in an effort to understand this foreign creature set before them.

I’m always a little taken aback by the question. As if they concluded that there must be something unnatural within me. “Why doesn’t she seem to strive after this thing that is such a naturally desirable thing?” Especially in a society that emphasizes its importance above all else. “You’re nobody till somebody loves you.” “All you need is love.” What are the messages of the films of our youth but that everything is sacrificial to finding your one true love?

So why am I not on eHarmony? Why am I not frequenting the locales where eligible young men congregate? Why do I not seem to be concerned with the added years on my resumé and the continued bareness of my left ring finger?

I usually fumble in my response. Yes, of course I’d like to get married, I stammer. And yet, how do I properly convey what it is that I feel?

To give you some context, I’m a big time fan of the timeless institution of the RomCom. I’ve spent much of my post-puberty thought life daydreaming about when said Prince Charming should enter my life. I’m a fan of love, I’m a fan of the male species, and I’ve always had it in mind that I would get married. I had even expected that I would marry young.

So why am I not an active member of the dating pool? Why do I not put more effort into realizing that dream?

I think it best to put it this way:

Have you ever wanted something so badly that it made other desires fade into the background? Perhaps dinner time has come and gone, but you are so absorbed in some project that you failed to notice. Someone might question: “Do you even desire to eat?” The answer would be yes, but at the time, you desired something else more.

And that is my answer to this question.

Do I want to get married? Yah, sure. But there is something I want so much more that marriage swiftly tumbles off my radar. If it happens, that’s fine, I know it will be great. But if it doesn’t happen, oh my goodness, I couldn’t care less!

I COULDN’T.

Care.

less.

But how can that be?

A lot of times, we take for granted things that God says. One promise, in particular, that we believe in theory, but secretly probably don’t believe at all is that God is enough and that he provides us with everything we need. God is enough, really? If I had nothing else, I would still be satisfied with this life?

Not only does God say that he is enough but he also says that he came that we might have life to the full. Not just a mediocre, get-by life, but the richest most full life. And I can tell you truthfully, that is what I have tasted. I have tasted and I want more. I want to do the will of the one who created me and set up a plan for me. I want that more than I want anything else in this temporal life. I want to know God, hear his voice, and do his bidding. I want God to look at me at the end of all things and say “well done, good and faithful servant.”

Am I saying this is exclusively possible as an unwed individual? Not at all! I’m just saying this is why I take a passive seat when it comes to the dating game. If God determines that it would be my ultimate best to get married, then the right guy will come along at the right time. But for now he’s expressed that my ultimate best is to be single. I have no desire to reject this gift because another gift seems better (in the eyes of the world).

It's like Chocolate Molten Lava Cake and Banana Cheesecake (two of the best desserts in existence). Being single is Chocolate Molten Lava Cake and getting married is Banana Cheesecake. When I have Chocolate Molten Lava Cake, do I want Banana Cheesecake? No. I am super stoked with the dessert that I have. And super grateful that God has given me something so tasty and delicious.

Unfortunately, most people don't realize that being single is just as much a gift as having a spouse. "Every good and perfect gift comes from above," but we tend to think that the absence of a girlfriend or boyfriend is the absence of a gift. It is the Lord with-holding something from us. Let me encourage you that that is not the case. Paul even says he wishes everyone could remain single.

Ultimately, the point is, God is with you in every season of life and God is enough in every season of life. HE is the one that answers all your heart's desires and fulfills your every need. Do not be deceived. Being single isn't a curse, and being married isn't a curse. A life not surrendered to the Lord is a curse. That's the truth.

Wow, what a great post. Well done, Heather of 2018. It's Heather of 2020 here, and I just wanted to give you an update on how I feel about this subject two years later. It's even worse, folks. I am even more engrained and in love with being single than I was back then. God is still good and life is still an adventure. Maybe one day I'll get my rear in gear and write some blog posts about that.

As always, don't hold your breath.

also as always, i love ya!

-heather